Old habits are hard to break. And new ones feel hard to make!

Understanding the science doesn't always make building new habits easier. But it does inspire me to keep going even when my "Board of Distractors" tries to pull me away.

I’m on day 3 of my personal November daily writing challenge and it’s been taking up a lot of space in my brain.

I think about the idea that I made this commitment to myself. That I shared it with you. That I did both without a real “plan” and instead jumped in with an energy of trust that what needs to come will come.

I think about how many writing ideas I have! And how I should write them down so I don’t forget them.

Then I think “Oh crap, what was that one? I forgot it.” (Saw that coming, didn’t you?)

I remember “Hey! I have a whole list of ideas I’ve been wanting to write about! That’s one of the reasons you did this! Accountability to yourself and your creativity!” followed by “But do I *reallllly* want to write about that? Does anyone actually care? What if nobody reads it?” And then “You’re doing this for you, Lori. This is your personal challenge for yourself and inviting others to read and support you is just that— an invitation. In the end, this challenge is for you and nobody else.”

Last night I dreamed about my mom helping me make a list of things to write about. I could see the writing and list in my brain. I was so thrilled to have her support and have this handwritten list in front of me. I was inspired!

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

And then I woke up and realized that beautifully written list remained in my dreamiverse. As did my mom who died a few years ago. (Thanks for visiting me, mom!)

I have thought about when and what to write today more times than I can count.

“I don’t have time right now.”

“I’m not in the right (write?) headspace.” (Always time for a pun.)

“I better do this other thing first.”

“How much should I write? How long does it need to be? What if nothing comes out?”

“What if I just look at this over here first….”

Sound familiar? I imagine so. Most people I know struggle with creating new habits. Do a quick search and you’ll find scientific research showing that depending on the person, the circumstance, and the complexity of the habit, it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for people to form a new habit. On average, it takes 66 days before a developing habit becomes “automatic” and thus goes from behavior status to “habit.”¹ Building new neural pathways takes time and intentional action. We can’t simply think things different— the changes come from acting differently.

Another key piece to building new habits and lasting change— consistency. This goes beyond the idea of “do it regularly” to the more specific and intentional attachment of the new thing you want— the habit, the change—to something you ALREADY do consistently.

For instance, a few years back I was inspired by my friend and mentor Patty Lennon to create a new morning habit. I started with two simple things after waking and before getting out of bed.

1. Breathe. I take at least 5 focused, intentional breaths.

2. Declare what kind of day I’m going to have. I usually do this out loud, although not always. I say “Today I’m going to have a ______________ day.” (Examples of things I’ve used— Calm, Centered, Playful, Patient, Gentle, and of course Magical because Patty is all about the Magic in the world.)

Then 18 months ago, I added another thing before I get out of bed. I spend about 4 minutes listening to my Positive Intelligence Daily Focus. This one didn’t stick as well. I did it for awhile, and then dropped it. About 6 months ago, I recognized the shift, and brought it back. Now I spend these 5 minutes before I get out of bed getting grounded and present with myself before moving into high gear helping everyone else. It’s made a huge difference in my patience and presence throughout my day. And it’s 5 minutes that are just for me.

Step by step, we create change. Change isn’t big leaps and bounds. Habits don’t come from wishful thinking.

They take time. They take commitment. They take curiosity and self-compassion.

Lasting new habits take intention, breaking things down into small, doable actions, and attaching those actions to something you already do.

Change takes facing the little voices in your head (I dubbed them my Board of Distractors) that are trying to self-sabotage, and feed you whatever crap they are trying to sell you, and saying “Sorry, you all. Not right now. I have other plans.”

Today is Day 3. I had no idea where this was going to go when I sat down.

My takeaway— I will likely find this easier if I claim a consistent time and set some guidelines for myself. It’s not always easy as my schedule is variable. And I know enough about change, habits, and neuroscience to recognize that it will help me honor this commitment to myself. I also know as I keep going, I will find a groove and it will likely take less time. (Maybe that’s wishful thinking)

Perhaps tonight’s dreams will tell me exactly what that looks like. Until then, it’s time for another habit I have. Day 734 of Duolingo.

See that? Some habits really to do stick! And not just the ones we like to call “bad.”

1. Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009